Gidget moves in

As I write this, Gidget (formerly Ariella) is running around the room. Actually, she was just standing here acting she was trying to figure out what a computer is. She's been in constant motion and I have to admit has been good about learning what are toys to play with and chew and what's not (I think taking off with my boot last night taught her pretty early when Joe chased her around). We drove to Roland, Oklahoma, Tuesday where it snowed all the way from Amarillo to Roland (about 700 miles from Albuquerque). We hadn't taken Chaco on a road trip in several years and he really struggled. I'm not sure if he thought we were going to give him away (or trade him in) but he also has been struggling with watery eyes and I'm sure that didn't help. In some ways it was easier to travel with him this time. He turns nine tomorrow on new year's day (we'll have had him seven years) and I didn't feel so paranoid about leaving him. I can leave him in the car with a whole lot of food and he won't touch it. He's too busy worried about where we are going without him. He kept waking me up in the motel room wanting to go out in the rain and snow. I took him for a run on a country road the next morning and he really wanted to interact with the cows but they didn't want anything to do with him and kept backing away. I was nervous meeting Gidget. She came from the Ahimsa Rescue Foundation (see site here) where she had been the product of backyard breeders. She and her parents were removed from the home and that's how they ended up with Ahimsa. I had never gotten a dog that I'd never met. What surprised me, although I'm not sure why, was how much smaller she was in person. The photos that Teresa Morton, of Ahimsa, had emailed us showed what looked like a bigger dog. I'm adding some photos here including one of Joe holding her at the dental clinic (Teresa's husband is a dentist) where we picked her up. Chaco really struggled on the way home, getting comfortable, and finally some benadryl knocked him out so he could sleep. He was a good sport although he kept sitting on top of Gidget (not on purpose, I think he's just not aware!). When he settled into the very back of the car, she sprawled out in the middle seat and went to sleep. Our only catastrophe was that despite our best efforts to get her to pee, she didn't until we were somewhere in Texas and then she decided to do it in the car! Daisy's bleeding had prepared me well and I had enough plastic and towels down that it didn't seep through. When we stopped for her to pee shortly after, she did and has been good about doing it outside since (waking Joe up twice last night to let her out). The drive home was very uneventful until we hit Cline's Corners in New Mexico and a storm that hadn't been predicted so early (or was on the weather map). The canyon that leads us through the Sandia Mountains into Albuquerque was snowy and icy and Chaco sat in my lap the whole time while Gidget wanted nothing to do with me but to stay sprawled out. The dogs here are adjusting to a new sister. Nestle is afraid that Gidget will steal her food and Hattie wants to play with Gidget but Gidget is still a little wobbly on those big legs and can't keep up with her. I'm sure that will change soon. Happy new year, everyone!

Puppyhood is upon us again

I admit that I wasn't happy that we had no plans for Christmas Day. The reality is that I spent most of it working, something I try not to do on holidays. But after getting stuck overnight in Dallas thanks to weather and a plane that left without me, I had work to do. Yet it was on Christmas night that we found out we are to be the new pet parents of a rescued German Shepherd puppy who is three months old and currently residing in Oklahoma. I knew eventually we'd another dog. I didn't plan to do it this soon though. During my dissertation research, a question we often pondered was when is it okay for someone grieving a pet to get a new one? And I think my own experience is reminding me that it's different for all of us. I felt a little weird talking about it at first, like I was dishonoring Daisy. But what I realized was, if Daisy were alive and could talk, she'd be telling us to open our home to another dog. We have the room and are willing to give the time and energy. I wanted another German Shepherd because I wanted a chance to use everything I learned about Daisy's immune system to help another dog. Tomorrow morning we are on our way to Oklahoma to pick that dog up. I will write more about her story once she is with us. In the meantime, I spent today preparing for puppyhood– pulling the crate out, buying the puppy food, and making a vet appointment for Monday. I have been asking Daisy to lead us to the right dog at the right time. I know she's taking care of this and helping it all to fall into place. And I know she'll be guiding us on our trip and back home with the "new" fourth member of our family.

Merry Christmas and remember our loved ones who have passed on

When I think about what the holidays mean to people, I believe there are two distinct pieces that make them difficult. One is the trauma of holidays past where it's not quite remembered in a positive light (I won't elaborate- we've all had them!). The other is the reality that our deceased loved ones are not with us on this day. Obviously, in our house this year, we are especially remembering Daisy since she just died several weeks ago after her difficult battle with hemangiosarcoma. But, for me, it's also the day I remember my dad, my sister, and all my grandparents with whom I always spent Christmas until they died. This past week in Naperville I walked Ginger and Mom's Daisy. It's hard to believe that Ginger has been with Mom four years in January and Daisy was with her a year last weekend. And if Ginger has been with Mom four years, that means Dad died four years ago this coming New Year's Day. On a day like today, it's important we take the time to remember our loved ones who aren't with us in the physical world now but remain with us and as a part of who we are. See the Lío cartoon here where he remembers his mom. Merry Christmas, everyone.

Santa Claus returns!

I flew to Chicago yesterday and picked up a "new" Santa Claus with four puppies that I had won on ebay last night. This morning Joe called me and said Santa Claus had returned! Honestly, I couldn't believe what he was telling me. I had this fantasy that maybe Santa would come back but mostly I thought it was a little unrealistic for that to happen. He appears to have had some fake snow sprayed on him but he's Santa with the four puppies and back at my house. Joe thinks maybe some kids stole him and a mom made them return him. Whoever she is, I like her!

Advocating to fight canine cancer

Daisy's photo is up on the memorial page of the web site Fight Canine Cancer. There also is a facebook page called Georgia's Legacy. If you're a facebook user, please become a fan of this page. As in the work that the bereaved have done in suicide prevention, the cure for canine cancer will only come through the advocating efforts of people who have lost a dog to the evil disease.

Santa Claus get stolen

In a previous blog, included photos of our Christmas decorations. One of them was a large Santa Claus with four puppies climbing all over him. I bought him several years ago at the Meijer store in Naperville. He was the last one left and I wanted him because he had the four puppies and I had four dogs. I shipped him to Albuquerque and have displayed him outside for the last few years. This morning I went outside to go run with Chaco and Santa Claus was gone. He was stolen during the night- nothing else is missing (my small Santa Claus and my lit up reindeer are still there). I realize he is a piece of molded plastic that cost me less than $20 but he was significant to me because of the four puppies. Yesterday also was my birthday. And it felt like insult was added to injury since Daisy died 1 1/2 weeks ago. When I have had copies of my book on sibling suicide taken off tables at events, I often chalked it up to the person really needing that book, however, I'm having a hard time understanding how someone could have needed that Santa more than me right now.

Sympathy cards outnumber the holiday cards

As of today, sympathy cards for Daisy far outweigh our holiday cards. The Daisy flower arrangement is still blooming and someone commented on the number (30 in one place!) of responses to my status update on facebook that Daisy had died. My friend Ginny said Daisy truly was a loved dog. Social media (facebook, blogs, etc) plus having written a book about my crew, have allowed me to share some of our lives with people around the world. I never ever thought we would lose Daisy so early. I finished sending out our 120 holiday cards today. People often tell me they look forward to seeing what I create each year- from the card with photos of the dogs to the letter with their antics and the photo stamp with a photo of someone or something. This year I had gone with one photo of the dogs that also had Joe and Devlan. It was taken in the summer and all of them were in the pool (except Chaco and Daisy who were poolside as usual). I bought labels with Daisy and put Daisy's name on the card as I usually do with the rest of us in the Linn-Gust clan. How could I not? I really thought she'd make it through to the new year- or maybe I was just hopeful. Still, writing the letter was difficult since I had to do it just a few days after her death. It was hard to even remember much of what happened this year before her diagnosis. As I learned with my sister's suicide almost 17 years ago, these losses happen to us and give us an opportunity to teach and help others. I'm sure Daisy is here with me in her own way, nudging my armpit with her cold nose saying, "Duh! That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

Adjusting to a changed life

The house isn't the same since Daisy died. Although she had been with us on and off the last few months because of her bleeding, at least we knew she was still just a few miles away. Now she is with us in a different sense. When my sister died in 1993, I remember going over to the high school and standing in the counseling office with the school counselors. We were talking about Denise and I think I said something about how I didn't know who was going to cut my hair anymore since she was the one who did it. One of the counselors made a comment that so often people forget about those routine things in life. But those "little things" are what we miss most. As I cleaned the house yesterday, something I absolutely detest but find necessary to my sanity, I ran across black hairs everywhere. And it was sad to vacuum Daisy's "spot" behind the living room lounge chair (where the Christmas tree currently stands), knowing I won't walk into the living room to find her there anymore. Life is made up of those little things. Life isn't always grand and exciting. It's a series of small events that happen each day as we go about our lives. And we need to treasure the moments, as insignificant as they seem, because they don't last forever.

Time to let go

We let Daisy go at 10:00 this morning. She had been bleeding excessively the last few days and was collapsing when she had been able to stand before. She was in the yard as the others were running around and she wanted to play but clearly couldn't run with them. She fell down and ended up laying in poop. We knew a transfusion wasn't worth it. It would give us more time but that wouldn't be fair to her. Her blood pressure was so low that the vet had a hard time getting a vein to inject her. She was gone so fast and it was hard to believe that she wasn't breathing anymore. I kept waiting for her to move around, but I know she was looking down on us instead. I had gotten a coin (sign) from my dad several weeks ago that he would be the one to greet her when she arrived at her "new" home. This morning I asked her to send us a sign when she arrived and about an hour or so after we got back from the vet, I turned on the vacuum in the hall and heard a weird noise coming from the kitchen. Joe was in the bedroom and asked me what it was. It freaked me out and I turned the vacuum off. He reminded me that it was the noise Daisy made when she got all excited about something like if someone came to the door. I took the photo right before we left for the vet. She was laying outside on the patio.