Hattie's 5th birthday and the debate over size of dog

Hattie is five years old today. It's hard to believe that five years ago this time we were finishing the remodel on the house and she was getting ready to survive Hurricane Katrina in Mississippi. A lot has happened in those five years as Ginger came to live with us for a short time (before flying to Chicago to be with Mom) just a few months later and then my dad died. I finished my doctorate and the list goes on. I'm not sure where Hattie is at the moment. I thought she was under the table where I'm working but I looked down and Gidget is to my left and Nestle is behind me. She's probably snoozing somewhere on a bed. She'll get one of her favorite dentastiks later and everyone else will get a rollhide bone. I was thinking about what might be interesting to blog about on Hattie's birthday and it occurred to me that there is one piece of information that was gleaned from my dissertation that relates to Hattie's size. She is our smallest dog– even at 36 pounds! She came to us at 6 pounds and just a few weeks old. Nestle is probably still the largest, hovering somewhere around 80 pounds although Gidget is almost a year old so we're not quite sure how big she'll get. For some reason, I've always thought bigger dogs worked for me although Joe told me that he wasn't sure if he would like having "such a small dog" as Hattie but he really began to appreciate her size since she can actually be a lap dog. The others would like to be lap dogs (I just typed "laptops"– the words that fall out of our fingers when we type...) but it's dangerous when Nestle lays on you and after a while you realize you can't breathe. When we were writing my dissertation survey, which reflected on if, how, and why people use dogs to help cope with human loss (by death), my chair, Dr. Virginia Shipman, suggested we ask a question about size to see if people prefer one size of dog over another. I had read in another study where they suggested studying fur length to see if one length was more helpful to people than another. When the 100-plus surveys had been analyzed, it showed that fur length didn't matter. Nor did the size of the dog. The reality is that we are unique people and we all like something different. I actually had asked Joe to bring me back a Golden Retriever from Mississipp but he found Hattie in a county shelter and picked her because she looked like a miniature Chaco. And here we are five years later.

Dogs, loss, and coping

Late this afternoon I posted on Facebook that I was looking for what people view as their symbols of hope. What is it that keeps them going? I expected a lot a variety in their answers and was surprised at what has been posted (so far) that all are living beings between children and dogs. I mean that I was surprised because I expected more variety in the answers. I think it goes to show how much the love, smiles, and licks we receive from children and dogs mean to us.

Merry Christmas and remember our loved ones who have passed on

When I think about what the holidays mean to people, I believe there are two distinct pieces that make them difficult. One is the trauma of holidays past where it's not quite remembered in a positive light (I won't elaborate- we've all had them!). The other is the reality that our deceased loved ones are not with us on this day. Obviously, in our house this year, we are especially remembering Daisy since she just died several weeks ago after her difficult battle with hemangiosarcoma. But, for me, it's also the day I remember my dad, my sister, and all my grandparents with whom I always spent Christmas until they died. This past week in Naperville I walked Ginger and Mom's Daisy. It's hard to believe that Ginger has been with Mom four years in January and Daisy was with her a year last weekend. And if Ginger has been with Mom four years, that means Dad died four years ago this coming New Year's Day. On a day like today, it's important we take the time to remember our loved ones who aren't with us in the physical world now but remain with us and as a part of who we are. See the Lío cartoon here where he remembers his mom. Merry Christmas, everyone.

The Dougy Center Fire

The Dougy Center is an incredible place for grieving children and families. Many centers in the US are based on it. In June, the building was in burned down by an arsonist. If you can help with any donation, please do. The service they offer to children and families is so important to help repair lives and help people find hope again after loss. The web site is here.

Farrah, Michael, Denise, and Bonnie

When I found out that Farrah Fawcett had anal cancer, I was taken back to the cancer of my friend Bonnie who died 3 1/2 years ago. I was with Bonnie almost everyday, as long as I was in town, until her death a few months later. Today is my 10th wedding anniversary and it was Bonnie who sewed my wedding dress. Bonnie had the same cancer as Farrah. I had a Farrah haircut in fifth grade and my older sister was a big "Charlie's Angels" fan. My cousins had a gerbil named Farrah. Farrah was part of my 1970s. After I found out Farrah died yesterday, I had a hard time wrapping my head around it. I knew it was coming but sometimes it's hard to imagine someone we saw as so strong and beautiful as having deteriorated and then dying. After my husband told me about Michael Jackson's death, I thought back to my sister Denise. I was coming of age when "Thriller" came out and I sware Denise had a "PYT" shirt (I can't confirm this since my mom doesn't remember!). I never owned the "Thriller" tape but I think she did. His songs were at the top of the charts as we ambled through school and adolescence, our teen years, and life. As Dick Clark says about music on general, for us MJ's songs are on the soundtracks of our lives. Each time something that is part of my history, part of my life, ends or dies, especially when it relates to my sister or my dad or Bonnie or anyone else in my life who has died, I feel like another little piece of my life is chipped away. I hold the memories but that's it. I can't grasp the rest of it with my arms because it's not here anymore. But I am always reminded that these people have left because they accomplished what they were supposed to teach us and it was time to go. We are sad because they are gone but they all left us something behind. We wouldn't feel a need to let any emotion escape via tears or sadness if they didn't.

Father's Day, Michelle Style without my Dad

Today is Father's Day, a time when we traditionally buy dad a gift of something he wants (not needs!). If you spend enough time looking at the newspaper ads and the commercials on tv, you'll know that these things could be clothes, grilling supplies, sports equipment, even a new drill. But for those of us without a dad here on earth, it's a sad day. Each time I push my cart through Target on my way to the food section, I pass the greeting card aisle where I'm reminded that there is no card to buy my dad anymore. I see the ones with grills or the argyle sweaters and I want to grab and them and pick them. Until I remember I don't have anyone to send one to. Instead, today I will make samosas and read the Marley & Me script (we're getting ready to start the Ginger's Gift screenplay) at my pool in the sunshine. My dad is with me, I am sure of that, but it's not quite the same without him to call and have a chat about the bugs that are eating my sunflowers and the price of gas. To everyone who has experienced a father loss, I'm thinking of you today.

Video about a Family's Grief...Years Later

This video was made by fellow sibling survivor and filmmaker Jeff Orgill about his family years following his brother’s suicide. Jeff created the video for the AAS conference in April where he was speaking on a panel about men’s grief. Please check it out and pass it along.

Radio in Melbourne

Today was the pre conference and I did some radio this afternoon which went really well. We had a full hour and the host was great- Richard Stubbs. A woman called in and you could hear a little dog barking in the background. She then went on to say that her sister had just died and the funeral is tomorrow. They had the dog with them and she said she had a sense of her sister being with her because of that. Sadly, the dog wasn't enough to sustain her sister her in life but she will be a connection to her as time goes by.

Dr. Sally Witt radio show

I will be appearing on the Dr. Sally Witt radio show tomorrow (Wednesday, April 29). The info is linked here. Check out an interview we did on you tube: Interview #2.