Bark Bark Bark

There is a joke at our house about how Joe picked out Nestle at the city shelter. He says he picked Nestle because all the other dogs were barking and she wasn't. It was true. She was just sitting there acting like a good dog. Well, we went out front to do the paperwork and for some reason I went back to see her again and she was barking up a storm with all the other dogs. I should have known then what we were in for. Nestle didn't stop barking that first weekend at our house. I can still remember I was sitting at the dining room table writing a paper and she stood there barking away. I ignored her for as long as I could, after all, I'd been told you should ignore them and eventually they "get it." Not Nestle. Chaco used to go to another room to get away from her. We went through multiple bark collars with her. She just kept barking through them, even the one the dog sitter/trainer used on her. Zapping Nestle only meant she'd bark more. Seven years later it hasn't changed. But with impressionable Gidget around (Daisy and Hattie were never into barking- they always had a look like, "We'll just let her bark it out and waste her energy"), I had to do something. I remember how at our previous house we had a barking dog next door. He was bored, his guardians didn't spend much time with him. But he was annoying! I read once where you could put pebbles in a soda can and shake it when they dog barked. So I did. And either it worked or we moved. I don't remember which now (probably both though). The spray bottle works well with Gidget, but spraying Nestle made her bark more. Last week I had a spray bottle in one hand and the Squirt can filled with pebbles in the other when someone walked by the house and Gidget began to bark, followed up by Nestle. Coordinating that was a little difficult but I hope we're on the right track. I've asked several people for help but everyone just says, "Sounds like you need Cesar Millan. And since I don't think he'll be at my house any time soon, well, we'll just keep shaking the can and squirting the water.

Daisy's anniversary passes and Nestle turns eight

It's hard to believe a year has gone by since Daisy died. And it's hard to believe that Nestle turned eight on Friday, having moved in with us seven years ago. On January 1, we'll have had Chaco eight years which is hard to believe because these dogs have transformed my life in many ways in those years. There have been lots of happy moments, but many sad ones as well. Attachment to live beings brings us much happiness, but at some point we have to say goodbye. As I write this, the crew has settled down and I can see Gidget's nose from around the corner and hear the bone she is chewing on. Chaco is keeping watch of the doorway in front of us and the sounds of football stretch from down the hall. I'm sure Nestle and Hattie are napping while Joe watches. We have to root ourselves in our present moments because they are fleeting and it is in those present moments where the memories are formed that give us the hope for the life we lead and the beings (human and animal) we love.

The Anniversary of Daisy's Death Looms

It's the evening before Thanksgiving and all I can think about is how last year this time we were coming up on Daisy's last weekend with us. We had hoped she would make it to Christmas, but she only could last through Devlan's visit from Belize. Although I was disappointed that we have no houseguests for Thanksgiving this year, I am grateful for Veronica, our cleaning lady, who invited us to her house for an evening of Mexican food instead. On Friday, I will cook our turkey and our traditional meal. Sometimes when these first anniversaries loom, we need to mix up our plans and do something different. Over the weekend, I received an email from a man who had read my article in High Desert Dog about Daisy's cancer. He said his two-year-old German Shepherd was going through the same thing and wanted some help. His dog has been given just two weeks to live and probably will be euthanized next week because of the deterioration to the dog's hip from the tumor. I'm sure I'm more sensitive to all this now with Daisy's death happening a year ago on December 2, but no matter, it's still sad.I try to give Gidget extra attention and take her outside to play ball more. It's hard not to linger in the past because it is our path to the present but none of us should stay there. Enjoy the present while we have it. Happy Thanksgiving.

Rebonding with Gidget

When we let Gidget start sleeping outside her crate at night, she instantly gravitated to spending the night in bed with me. Unfortunately, this made Hattie mad (the dog who had been sleeping with me for some time) and she stopped sleeping with me. But after all my travel that culminated in multiple back-to-back trips in September, Gidget no longer wanted to sleep with me. Instead, I would find her wandering the house, like Chaco, at night, or her leftover fur would give away which piece of furniture she had been sleeping on. Yesterday the dog guardian (mom, whatever your choice is to call a person who takes in a dog like a human) of a dog named Joey, the Richmond, Virginia, SPCA mascot, knew it was time to euthanize Joey after almost 13 years of life. He had had cancer before but his body was failing him. I don't personally know Joey or his mom. He (she) friended me to his account on Facebook probably because we know some mutual people in Virginia. But seeing that Joey was going to transition this morning, took me right back to Daisy and the anniversary of her death just two weeks away. I couldn't help but let the tears fall. I wanted to hug my dogs and let them know I loved them. Nestle was okay at first but she ran away. Hattie and Chaco already were long gone. But Gidget stayed there with me and let me hug her to my heart's content. I don't know what goes on in Gidget's head, but in the past week or so she has been the most loving of a dog that she's been since we got her almost a year ago. It might be coincidence with her age development. Or it might be that she knows intuitively about Daisy's anniversary. Whatever it is, last night she slept with me.

Hattie puts her paw down

Over the past three weeks, we've been having some remodeling and repair done on our house. Some photos are below, not because they show the remodeling, but because they show the dogs during the remodel. It seemed to be more difficult than several years ago when we did the big remodel on the house although then we only had three dogs because that was right before Hattie was born and Hurricane Katrina hit. Daisy also was very friendly, something Gidget has yet to learn since she's afraid of her shadow although getting better, so we could often leave Daisy out with certain workers. Nestle is noisy so she couldn't be put in a bedroom or all of us would have needed a drink at 10:00 am to deal with her. We had some carpet removed and replaced with laminate flooring and then the next week we had the remaining carpet replaced with new carpet (shag! I never thought I'd like shag!). Because the carpet is in the opposite ends of the house, we (all six of us) had to be outside all day last Monday. That was hell. It was breezy and not very warm in the shade. When the workers went to lunch, we let the dogs inside with us and Nestle refused to leave the couch when it was time to go outside. That evening after they left, Joe was in his office with the dogs (we had replaced the flooring in there a year ago), and Hattie who never ever pees in our house, decided to pee right there in front of Joe. We knew then it was time to curtail the rest of the work for awhile. That happened five years ago when Chaco was the one to pee in the house and we, again, knew then we had to finish up and move on. They'd had enough and reality was so had we.

The Happiness of Routine

I think I was gone from home about half of the time (or more) between Labor Day and Columbus Day. I am grateful for all the opportunities I had but I am glad to be home. I now have about five weeks ahead of me before I leave Albuquerque again– the longest stretch since February of this year! What I missed most in my routine is what I actually dread most when I drag myself out of bed in the dark and coolness of the morning– running and walking the dogs. While I hate peeling myself out of my warm bed and know that I have about an hour and twenty minutes of constant movement ahead of me, I miss it more than anything when I'm away. Many times we forget to appreciate our routines because in some ways they can become monotonous and even drudgery when we do them everyday for months on end (or years!). But when they are taken away from us, we miss them. The key is to enjoy each moment we are in them which we should be doing anyway– life is about the present even though we must plan for the future. I love being out in the quiet of the morning, especially now that it's darker so fewer people out (I think a record number of people walked/ran around the park by my house this past summer) and the dogs and I can enjoy "taking our steps" as the run rising, something the Navajos believe is important to greet each day.

Michelle’s Thoughts About Coping With Daisy’s Terminal Cancer Appears In High Desert Dog Magazine

While I’m traveling to Canada and Washington, DC, here’s my article that appears in the current issue of High Desert Dog magazine, www.highdesertdog.com (page 45) about lessons learned from Daisy’s terminal cancer.

Ginger and Daisy move– and get a fenced-in yard!

Ginger and Daisy are happy clams. Although they weren't so happy in the beginning when Mom wasn't at the new house and they were (Mom was back at the old house supervising the furniture move and packing up the rest of her stuff), they love their new fenced-in yard. Ginger kept looking for Mom at the door to the garage like she always does when Mom isn't there but by the time I flew home on Monday, they were enjoying being able to go outside and lay on the patio or sniff the yard as long as they like. Because the house is a split level, we had to put a runner on the stairs to the lower level (they are hardwood) so that Daisy could get up and down without slipping. We couldn't coax her down there until Karen and I were leaving to go somewhere and Karen's dog Trevor and Ginger went running behind us as we left. Daisy followed along and has been up and down as if it's old hat since.

Gidget turns a year old

Gidget turned a year old yesterday. It's hard to believe that the twenty-some pound puppy we brought home at the end of December is now full-grown dog sitting between Joe and I on the couch tonight. I haven't weighed her recently and she still looks very young- thin and svelte– but she's definitely somewhere over 60 pounds. Her tail is barely off the ground but most of the time it's thumping a wall anyway. It's interesting to watch her behavior develop as she does. Seems like we make one step forward and two back. But it's also hard to believe that a year ago this time we were sadly watching Daisy fight her cancer. Her diagnosis came at the end of August and I remember Labor Day weekend because Joe was in Houston and Daisy had just had her biopsy and it was freaking me out that it wouldn't stop bleeding. We had no idea that that was minor compared to what was ahead. I can look behind me and the painting of Daisy is looking over all of us from the stairwell. I know that in some way she's with us and that she made sure Gidget came to us, but I admit I miss her. Each one of the dogs brings something unique to our household and to our relationships with them. And sometimes we don't realize it until it's too late. With Gidget, as much as she drives me up a wall running around and barking at things that aren't there, I remember to savor my time with her as I didn't understand to do with Daisy until it was too late. I better go do a little bonding with my dog. Daisy is looking over me and making sure that I do!

Hattie's 5th birthday and the debate over size of dog

Hattie is five years old today. It's hard to believe that five years ago this time we were finishing the remodel on the house and she was getting ready to survive Hurricane Katrina in Mississippi. A lot has happened in those five years as Ginger came to live with us for a short time (before flying to Chicago to be with Mom) just a few months later and then my dad died. I finished my doctorate and the list goes on. I'm not sure where Hattie is at the moment. I thought she was under the table where I'm working but I looked down and Gidget is to my left and Nestle is behind me. She's probably snoozing somewhere on a bed. She'll get one of her favorite dentastiks later and everyone else will get a rollhide bone. I was thinking about what might be interesting to blog about on Hattie's birthday and it occurred to me that there is one piece of information that was gleaned from my dissertation that relates to Hattie's size. She is our smallest dog– even at 36 pounds! She came to us at 6 pounds and just a few weeks old. Nestle is probably still the largest, hovering somewhere around 80 pounds although Gidget is almost a year old so we're not quite sure how big she'll get. For some reason, I've always thought bigger dogs worked for me although Joe told me that he wasn't sure if he would like having "such a small dog" as Hattie but he really began to appreciate her size since she can actually be a lap dog. The others would like to be lap dogs (I just typed "laptops"– the words that fall out of our fingers when we type...) but it's dangerous when Nestle lays on you and after a while you realize you can't breathe. When we were writing my dissertation survey, which reflected on if, how, and why people use dogs to help cope with human loss (by death), my chair, Dr. Virginia Shipman, suggested we ask a question about size to see if people prefer one size of dog over another. I had read in another study where they suggested studying fur length to see if one length was more helpful to people than another. When the 100-plus surveys had been analyzed, it showed that fur length didn't matter. Nor did the size of the dog. The reality is that we are unique people and we all like something different. I actually had asked Joe to bring me back a Golden Retriever from Mississipp but he found Hattie in a county shelter and picked her because she looked like a miniature Chaco. And here we are five years later.

Ginger and Daisy waiting at the front door

Summer Photos

The Ginger Update

I spent last week in Chicago- my mom is getting ready to move next month after spending almost 40 years in the house where we all grew up. It's hard to believe it's just her (and Ginger and Daisy!) there. In 1974, when we moved in, there were three kids (to become four the next year) plus assorted gerbils and Chaos, the family German Shepherd, over the next 30 years (wow, that makes me sound old!). But starting in the early '80s Brian and Karen set out on their own at various times, then I left for college in 1990, Denise died in 1993, I moved to New Mexico in 1994, and Chaos died on new year's day in 1995. Dad would follow, dying on new year's day 2006. When Mom said "going upstairs in a special occasion" I really knew it was time for her to move. She only will be moving less than a mile away, to the house Joe and I own, and we'll be selling the family home (anyone need a house?). This trip marked the start of the sorting, trashing, donating, recycling, packing, and moving that will commence in September. The house is smaller and split level which will make it easier for her (and the dogs) since it will be fewer stairs at one time. The yard is fenced except for needing some gates on either side of the house, something Mom doesn't have at the current house. Lots of pluses for her. I can't say that Ginger has changed much in the almost four years she has lived with Mom. Hattie will be five next week on the 16th which means the remodel of our house and Hurricane Katrina happened five years ago. The addition of Ginger followed not long after in November of 2005. What I will say about Ginger is that she loves her mom! She and Mom really are a pair. Daisy provides something else though. She has to be leashed when she goes out because she will not come back, probably because she was crated most of her life and wants to make up for time by exploring when she can. Ginger will come right back when called (at least for me– Mom will say that's not so true for her). Still, the three of them are getting ready for their new adventure in a few weeks. The living room furniture, what Daisy rubbed up against and where Ginger slept at night– was donated on Sunday and the dogs looked confused. Little do they know the excitement ahead for all three of them.

Barks and Bubbles

Yesterday, I was invited to take part in Barks and Bubbles at our vet clinic here in Albuquerque, TLC Pet Hospital. They have been really good to me and unless I'm going there for an emergency (especially one with an uncertain ending), I enjoy stopping by the clinic. Barks and Bubbles was a dog wash event to benefit the Luvin' Labs Rescue. I had Joe go home and get Nestle so that she could get a bath. We didn't think she was dirty since she wasn't smelly or oily but she definitely looked fluffier when she was done drying! What was amazing was the number of people who showed up. A local country station was there along with a local BBQ caterer and several other vendors. There were lines of people at several times to get their dogs washed and it was just a great event for people who truly consider them members of their families plus a good fundraiser for Luvin' Labs. They had several labs there looking for homes. It was hard not to take one with us but I just needed to think of Gidget who is as much work as four dogs to remind me that there's a reason the city limits how many we can have. Hopefully, they all will find loving homes.

Dogs, loss, and coping

Late this afternoon I posted on Facebook that I was looking for what people view as their symbols of hope. What is it that keeps them going? I expected a lot a variety in their answers and was surprised at what has been posted (so far) that all are living beings between children and dogs. I mean that I was surprised because I expected more variety in the answers. I think it goes to show how much the love, smiles, and licks we receive from children and dogs mean to us.

Daisy's Birthday

I admit that I have been procrastinating and not blogging here. I hope in the next two weeks I can get caught up. June 18 would have been Daisy's 6th birthday. It's still hard to believe she's not here with us in the same way now. On the fireplace mantle, I have her photo, her collar, and her ashes on one end. I was standing at them yesterday and feeling a little sad. Nestle came in the room first, followed by Gidget, and then came Hattie. They all wanted me to pet them which became very difficult since I only have two arms. Hattie kept trying to get under my arm. Having had Gidget now for seven months (who is what I call a rambunctious terror) has made me see how Daisy's life was a struggle from the beginning. She never had the energy that Gidget has. Outside of Gidget's stomach issues that she seems to have grown out of, Gidget doesn't have the illnesses Daisy had. Still, I miss her. She was part of our family (and still is). I know her time was limited with us and she had to move on but she was what I call "one of the original four." And I do know that if she weren't here, we wouldn't have Gidget who appears to bound for a long, happy life (fingers crossed). Death teaches us lessons that we don't always understand from where we are currently standing but I believe that one day, here or beyond, everything will make sense.

Refilling the Water Bowl: How Dogs Help Us Cope with Loss

Finally, I am working on the book about how people use dogs to help them cope with loss, tentatively called Refilling the Water Bowl: Dog Companionship During Loss. If you have a story/incident to share about how your dog helped you cope with a loss in your life, please send me a message: michelle@gingersgift.com.

Using dogs to cope all over the world

I haven't fallen off the earth. I've been traveling for the past three weeks. First it was the American Association of Suicidology Conference in Orlando, Florida, and then the Suicide of Bereavement by Suicide Conference in Birmingham, England. I'm now in London and I'll be going home in a few days. I had the opportunity to talk about dogs and coping with grief and loss at the SOBS Conference last weekend. It was interesting because before I even spoke, I had people coming up to me during breaks and at lunch to tell the stories about their animals. And after I spoke when we had some time for questions, more people chimed in with stories. Just goes to show how universal dog companionship after loss is.

It's nice to be missed!

So I know that when I walk out the door with my handbag, even if I'm just going to be gone 20 minutes, the dogs all gather in the living room looking sad. And I know that when I get home, they are excited to greet me at the door. But I had no idea this was the scene when I drive up. Joe took this photo the other day and shared it on his facebook account.

Spring arrives as the Linn-Gust house

Despite the snow that is currently falling outside the window the pool is being opened tomorrow. Gidget has had 2 1/2 months to play on the winter pool cover and tomorrow we find out how much she likes water. She likes to walk toward the middle of the pool and create puddles to drink out of (and sit in). Our past experience has been that the dogs are afraid of the pool when they first are introduced to it but we'll find out for sure tomorrow. For the most part, the others have been easy– not getting in when we're in the house, etc. But Gidget might need a little more disciplining especially as I had food poisoning Thursday/Friday and she didn't get her walk. Instead she spent the day (as I lay on the couch) wreaking havoc with toilet paper and anything she could find in my shower. She managed to drag several items across the master bedroom. Right now she's outside chasing herself around the backyard in the mud.