Michelle’s Thoughts About Coping With Daisy’s Terminal Cancer Appears In High Desert Dog Magazine

While I’m traveling to Canada and Washington, DC, here’s my article that appears in the current issue of High Desert Dog magazine, www.highdesertdog.com (page 45) about lessons learned from Daisy’s terminal cancer.

Hattie's 5th birthday and the debate over size of dog

Hattie is five years old today. It's hard to believe that five years ago this time we were finishing the remodel on the house and she was getting ready to survive Hurricane Katrina in Mississippi. A lot has happened in those five years as Ginger came to live with us for a short time (before flying to Chicago to be with Mom) just a few months later and then my dad died. I finished my doctorate and the list goes on. I'm not sure where Hattie is at the moment. I thought she was under the table where I'm working but I looked down and Gidget is to my left and Nestle is behind me. She's probably snoozing somewhere on a bed. She'll get one of her favorite dentastiks later and everyone else will get a rollhide bone. I was thinking about what might be interesting to blog about on Hattie's birthday and it occurred to me that there is one piece of information that was gleaned from my dissertation that relates to Hattie's size. She is our smallest dog– even at 36 pounds! She came to us at 6 pounds and just a few weeks old. Nestle is probably still the largest, hovering somewhere around 80 pounds although Gidget is almost a year old so we're not quite sure how big she'll get. For some reason, I've always thought bigger dogs worked for me although Joe told me that he wasn't sure if he would like having "such a small dog" as Hattie but he really began to appreciate her size since she can actually be a lap dog. The others would like to be lap dogs (I just typed "laptops"– the words that fall out of our fingers when we type...) but it's dangerous when Nestle lays on you and after a while you realize you can't breathe. When we were writing my dissertation survey, which reflected on if, how, and why people use dogs to help cope with human loss (by death), my chair, Dr. Virginia Shipman, suggested we ask a question about size to see if people prefer one size of dog over another. I had read in another study where they suggested studying fur length to see if one length was more helpful to people than another. When the 100-plus surveys had been analyzed, it showed that fur length didn't matter. Nor did the size of the dog. The reality is that we are unique people and we all like something different. I actually had asked Joe to bring me back a Golden Retriever from Mississipp but he found Hattie in a county shelter and picked her because she looked like a miniature Chaco. And here we are five years later.

Dogs, loss, and coping

Late this afternoon I posted on Facebook that I was looking for what people view as their symbols of hope. What is it that keeps them going? I expected a lot a variety in their answers and was surprised at what has been posted (so far) that all are living beings between children and dogs. I mean that I was surprised because I expected more variety in the answers. I think it goes to show how much the love, smiles, and licks we receive from children and dogs mean to us.

Using dogs to cope all over the world

I haven't fallen off the earth. I've been traveling for the past three weeks. First it was the American Association of Suicidology Conference in Orlando, Florida, and then the Suicide of Bereavement by Suicide Conference in Birmingham, England. I'm now in London and I'll be going home in a few days. I had the opportunity to talk about dogs and coping with grief and loss at the SOBS Conference last weekend. It was interesting because before I even spoke, I had people coming up to me during breaks and at lunch to tell the stories about their animals. And after I spoke when we had some time for questions, more people chimed in with stories. Just goes to show how universal dog companionship after loss is.

Merry Christmas and remember our loved ones who have passed on

When I think about what the holidays mean to people, I believe there are two distinct pieces that make them difficult. One is the trauma of holidays past where it's not quite remembered in a positive light (I won't elaborate- we've all had them!). The other is the reality that our deceased loved ones are not with us on this day. Obviously, in our house this year, we are especially remembering Daisy since she just died several weeks ago after her difficult battle with hemangiosarcoma. But, for me, it's also the day I remember my dad, my sister, and all my grandparents with whom I always spent Christmas until they died. This past week in Naperville I walked Ginger and Mom's Daisy. It's hard to believe that Ginger has been with Mom four years in January and Daisy was with her a year last weekend. And if Ginger has been with Mom four years, that means Dad died four years ago this coming New Year's Day. On a day like today, it's important we take the time to remember our loved ones who aren't with us in the physical world now but remain with us and as a part of who we are. See the Lío cartoon here where he remembers his mom. Merry Christmas, everyone.

Sympathy cards outnumber the holiday cards

As of today, sympathy cards for Daisy far outweigh our holiday cards. The Daisy flower arrangement is still blooming and someone commented on the number (30 in one place!) of responses to my status update on facebook that Daisy had died. My friend Ginny said Daisy truly was a loved dog. Social media (facebook, blogs, etc) plus having written a book about my crew, have allowed me to share some of our lives with people around the world. I never ever thought we would lose Daisy so early. I finished sending out our 120 holiday cards today. People often tell me they look forward to seeing what I create each year- from the card with photos of the dogs to the letter with their antics and the photo stamp with a photo of someone or something. This year I had gone with one photo of the dogs that also had Joe and Devlan. It was taken in the summer and all of them were in the pool (except Chaco and Daisy who were poolside as usual). I bought labels with Daisy and put Daisy's name on the card as I usually do with the rest of us in the Linn-Gust clan. How could I not? I really thought she'd make it through to the new year- or maybe I was just hopeful. Still, writing the letter was difficult since I had to do it just a few days after her death. It was hard to even remember much of what happened this year before her diagnosis. As I learned with my sister's suicide almost 17 years ago, these losses happen to us and give us an opportunity to teach and help others. I'm sure Daisy is here with me in her own way, nudging my armpit with her cold nose saying, "Duh! That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

"The Aftermath of Suicide" workshop

When someone has died by suicide, how do you support the people coping with the loss?
When someone has attempted suicide, how do you support the attempter and his/her family?

Learn from two experts in the suicide field how you can help people grieving the loss of suicide or a suicide attempt. What do you say? What can you do? What are the resources available? This workshop is geared toward anyone who might come in contact with people coping with suicide.

“The Aftermath of Suicide:
Supporting People Coping With Suicide Loss, Suicide Attempters and their Families"

Michelle Linn-Gust, Ph.D.
Michelle is the president-elect of the American Association of Suicidology and an international speaker and writer about suicide postvention and prevention issues. She is the author of Do They Have Bad Days In Heaven? Surviving the Suicide Loss of a Sibling and Ginger’s Gift: Hope and Healing through Dog Companionship, and the forthcoming Rocky Roads: The Journeys of Families through Suicide Grief. She also is a co-founder of the New Mexico Suicide Prevention Coalition.

JoAnn Sartorius, L.I.S.W.
JoAnn's work with high-risk adolescents and their families spans 30 years.
For the last decade, she has concentrated on suicide prevention as well as addressing the aftermath of suicide. Currently, JoAnn works throughout the state as a program coordinator and trainer for school-based suicide prevention programs, is a member of a suicide crisis response team, and presents educational workshops on suicide prevention for youth, school personnel and communities. JoAnn is a co-founder of the New Mexico Suicide Prevention Coalition.

January 21, 2010, 9:00 am to 12:00 pm
United Way Central New Mexico
2340 Alamo Ave. SE, 2nd Floor
Albuquerque, NM

Cost for the workshop is $40,
Counseling and Social Work CEUs (3) are $15 and payable to JoAnn Sartorius at the workshop

Minimum number of participants is 30, maximum is 50.

Registration online at www.chelleheadworks.com or mail a check for $40 per participant with names and email addresses of participants to:
Chellehead Works (check should be made out to Chellehead Works),
1711 Solano Dr, NE, Albuquerque, NM 87110
Questions? Email: info@chelleheadworks.com

PLEASE PRE-REGISTER!!!!!!!

A Ginger's Gift Excerpt

The American Association of Suicidology's Surviving Suicide editor, Ginny Sparrow, printed this in the latest issue of the newsletter. Enjoy!

Sleeping with Daisy

The idea of losing someone or something we care about does strange things to us. While we often think we know how we will act, we usually find that we act in ways that surprise us. I have been sleeping in the guestroom of my house the last few nights, simply because Daisy can't always make it up to the stairs to the master bedroom. Sometimes in the morning she will hang out with me while I shower and get ready for the day, but more often, she stays downstairs because of the mass that is growing on her hip. Before the mass popped out, every night by 8 pm, she would go upstairs by herself and sleep in the dog bed. She'd stay until some time after I went to bed. By morning, she would wake me up between 4 am and 5 am to let me know she needed to go out and that it was getting to be time to get up. Not knowing how many days she has left, I keep thinking it's best to be close to her. Last night she got in the bed with me and stayed a few hours. When I woke up at 3 am, she came back and stayed for a while longer. The master bedroom always will be there. I don't know how long Daisy will be with me though.

Not just the loss of a human, also the loss of dogs

As the death of Ted Kennedy settles in, there is a lot of change in the air for the people whose paths he crossed. An article appeared on Politico about how people won't be seeing his dogs around the senate buildings and the Capitol anymore. The article reflects the changing perspective of animals as members of our families. I work from home so I have my dogs with me all day but Kennedy taking his dogs to work with him is still unheard of for most people. What's even more unheard of is how many people say they will miss seeing the dogs around.

National Suicide Prevention Week

National Suicide Prevention week is September 6 - 12, 2009. The American Association of Suicidology has some information that can help you plan activities in your community. View the link here.

The Dougy Center Fire

The Dougy Center is an incredible place for grieving children and families. Many centers in the US are based on it. In June, the building was in burned down by an arsonist. If you can help with any donation, please do. The service they offer to children and families is so important to help repair lives and help people find hope again after loss. The web site is here.

Purple and turquoise pins for suicide prevention

World Suicide Prevention Day is September 10. We’ve been using the colors purple and turquoise for people to show their support for people who have lost loved ones to suicide for several years. The color scheme was started by Sandy Martin and me when we were discussing how the suicide cause had no color but because many causes already use one color, we decided to go with two. We chose purple and turquoise because they are healing colors and our hope is that we can help people show their support for lives that have been altered in some way by suicide and show hope for the future with suicide prevention. Please order your pins soon here!

Workshop on helping the bereaved by suicide

When someone has died by suicide, how do you support the people coping with the loss?
When someone has attempted suicide, how do you support the attempter and his/her family?

Learn from two experts in the suicide field how you can help people grieving the loss of suicide or a suicide attempt. What do you say? What can you do? What are the resources available? This workshop is geared toward lay people (churches, community-service organizations, family members, and anyone else who might come in contact with people coping with suicide).

“The Aftermath of Suicide:
Supporting People Coping With Suicide Loss, Suicide Attempters and their Families"


Michelle Linn-Gust, Ph.D.
Michelle is the president-elect of the American Association of Suicidology and an international speaker and writer about suicide postvention and prevention issues. She is the author of Do They Have Bad Days In Heaven? Surviving the Suicide Loss of a Sibling and Ginger’s Gift: Hope and Healing through Dog Companionship. She also is a co-founder of the New Mexico Suicide Prevention Coalition.


JoAnn Sartorius, L.I.S.W.
JoAnn's work with high-risk adolescents and their families spans 30 years.
For the last decade, she has concentrated on suicide prevention as well as addressing the aftermath of suicide. Currently, JoAnn works throughout the state as a program coordinator and trainer for school-based suicide prevention programs, is a member of a suicide crisis response team, and presents educational workshops on suicide prevention for youth, school personnel and communities. JoAnn is a co-founder of the New Mexico Suicide Prevention Coalition.


August 25th, 10:00 am to 1:00 pm
Los Griegos Community Center
1231 Candelaria NW
Albuquerque, NM 87107

Cost for the workshop is $40

Minimum number of participants is 30, maximum is 50.

Registration online at www.chelleheadworks.com
Questions? Email: info@chelleheadworks.com

Howard Gluss radio show on celebrity death

I'm set to appear on the Howard Gluss radio show Friday night at 8 PM PST where we'll discuss how people cope with celebrity death. It seems that we are somehow intertwined with celebrities in our lives, even those of us whose lives don't revolve around them. I admit that I have been affected by MJ's death. I was never a big fan although my sister and I watched his videos over and over (there was one channel that seemed to play the same group of videos all the time). But I am not heartbroken like I heard one woman crying on the radio the evening he died when I was driving to get some take out for dinner. It's a loss and affects people. And it needs to be acknowledged so that people can cope. My hope is that MJ took away from this life what he was supposed to learn.

Farrah, Michael, Denise, and Bonnie

When I found out that Farrah Fawcett had anal cancer, I was taken back to the cancer of my friend Bonnie who died 3 1/2 years ago. I was with Bonnie almost everyday, as long as I was in town, until her death a few months later. Today is my 10th wedding anniversary and it was Bonnie who sewed my wedding dress. Bonnie had the same cancer as Farrah. I had a Farrah haircut in fifth grade and my older sister was a big "Charlie's Angels" fan. My cousins had a gerbil named Farrah. Farrah was part of my 1970s. After I found out Farrah died yesterday, I had a hard time wrapping my head around it. I knew it was coming but sometimes it's hard to imagine someone we saw as so strong and beautiful as having deteriorated and then dying. After my husband told me about Michael Jackson's death, I thought back to my sister Denise. I was coming of age when "Thriller" came out and I sware Denise had a "PYT" shirt (I can't confirm this since my mom doesn't remember!). I never owned the "Thriller" tape but I think she did. His songs were at the top of the charts as we ambled through school and adolescence, our teen years, and life. As Dick Clark says about music on general, for us MJ's songs are on the soundtracks of our lives. Each time something that is part of my history, part of my life, ends or dies, especially when it relates to my sister or my dad or Bonnie or anyone else in my life who has died, I feel like another little piece of my life is chipped away. I hold the memories but that's it. I can't grasp the rest of it with my arms because it's not here anymore. But I am always reminded that these people have left because they accomplished what they were supposed to teach us and it was time to go. We are sad because they are gone but they all left us something behind. We wouldn't feel a need to let any emotion escape via tears or sadness if they didn't.

Father's Day, Michelle Style without my Dad

Today is Father's Day, a time when we traditionally buy dad a gift of something he wants (not needs!). If you spend enough time looking at the newspaper ads and the commercials on tv, you'll know that these things could be clothes, grilling supplies, sports equipment, even a new drill. But for those of us without a dad here on earth, it's a sad day. Each time I push my cart through Target on my way to the food section, I pass the greeting card aisle where I'm reminded that there is no card to buy my dad anymore. I see the ones with grills or the argyle sweaters and I want to grab and them and pick them. Until I remember I don't have anyone to send one to. Instead, today I will make samosas and read the Marley & Me script (we're getting ready to start the Ginger's Gift screenplay) at my pool in the sunshine. My dad is with me, I am sure of that, but it's not quite the same without him to call and have a chat about the bugs that are eating my sunflowers and the price of gas. To everyone who has experienced a father loss, I'm thinking of you today.

Video about a Family's Grief...Years Later

This video was made by fellow sibling survivor and filmmaker Jeff Orgill about his family years following his brother’s suicide. Jeff created the video for the AAS conference in April where he was speaking on a panel about men’s grief. Please check it out and pass it along.

Article from Australia that quotes me

This article just appeared June 11 (although it's still June 10 here in New Mexico!) in Australia.

Radio in Melbourne

Today was the pre conference and I did some radio this afternoon which went really well. We had a full hour and the host was great- Richard Stubbs. A woman called in and you could hear a little dog barking in the background. She then went on to say that her sister had just died and the funeral is tomorrow. They had the dog with them and she said she had a sense of her sister being with her because of that. Sadly, the dog wasn't enough to sustain her sister her in life but she will be a connection to her as time goes by.