Daisy gets Chemo

I'm in Santa Monica, speaking at Loyola Marymount tomorrow. Before I left Albuquerque yesterday, Daisy had an appointment with a different oncologist. She underwent a local chemotherapy treatment and we took her home right before I left for the airport. She has a good chance of shrinking the tumor if she accepts the chemo and lets it do its job. Joe takes her back to the oncology clinic tomorrow and they will have a good idea if the chemo will take or not. We have all limbs crossed, prayers said.

A Growing Tumor

As I write this, it's about 3:00 on Sunday afternoon and I'm going swimming as soon as I'm done. I head to Los Angeles tomorrow for a few days and I'm excited because I'm working on several projects plus speaking there. But the trip is tempered by the fact that Daisy's tumor has grown. While we've been doing the Chines herbs and giving her homemade food for the week, it still grew. Tomorrow she sees a new oncologist who we have been told has had good luck shrinking these kinds of tumors. I'm guessing that while I'm gone this week, she will be getting chemo or radiation. It's hard to watch her. She can't decide if she should hobble on three legs, drag the leg with the tumor on her hip, or limp. She tries all three. She is mostly alert and wants to be a part of family life as much as the tumor will allow her. We have been wondering if maybe Daisy hurt her leg on August 30 when chasing Hattie and that caused the tumor to explode. The holistic vet told Joe this was possible. That makes me think that possibly we have been given more time with Daisy, a chance to give her a longer life because these kinds of tumors usually give no warning and are a death sentence for all dogs (I have yet to hear of one that lived longer than two years after diagnosis). It's possible that if she hadn't hurt her leg, the cancer would have spread across her body and it would have been too late for us to help her by the time she became listless from it and found out it had spread into her internal organs. From where I'm standing now, I don't understand why this is happening. I realize that one day I will but it's still a struggle to see why this has happened to such a good dog whose only offense in life was to drag me across the park. My friend Teresa, an intuitive type, believes Daisy was a rescue dog in a past life because any time we have a child in our pool, Daisy is always trying to save the child (usually by trying to grab the raft he or she is swimming on). Teresa suggested that maybe in this life, Joe and I are supposed to rescue Daisy. I'm not sure if that means by my bringing her home as puppy from that 5K race just about five years ago or now with her cancer. We'll know soon enough.

Daisy visits a senior center

I did a presentation today at the Meadowlark Senior Center in Rio Rancho. It had been scheduled a few months ago, long before Daisy got sick. Lorrie, the person who contacted me, said I could bring a dog so I took Daisy. She is a former "puller" but since she's been sick, she has really slowed down. However, being among all the people today must have excited her because she pulled and pulled. She got lots of compliments in the hall. The presentation went well and we discussed Daisy's holistic cancer treatment as well as my work on how people use dogs to help cope after human loss. They say 1 in 4 dogs gets cancer so I'm obviously not the only person going through this. One woman said my presentation made her think about her dog differently. It also seems like maybe there's a greater purpose to Daisy being sick. I took her because I want to give her as much social interaction as possible but maybe she's supposed to help other people in some way as well. I believe, despite the raw awful pain, that we are put where we are supposed to be at any one moment although sometimes we can't quite understand it from where we are currently standing.

Driving Miss Daisy

I had hoped to blog Friday but I was driving Daisy around and by the time we got to evening, I was exhausted. We first went to go see our friend Joe S. Sausage, who now has a sausage shop, but used to dog sit for the crew. We would drop them off at Joe's place in ABQ and the dogs had a great time. Once, we were gone for Daisy's birthday and Joe sang happy birthday to her although he said she gave him a funny look as he was doing it. Another time, Hattie would jump out of the dog area he had and then Daisy would bark because Hattie had jumped out. Joe would walk out to see Hattie sitting by the gate, wanting to be let back into the dog area. He eventually kept her in the house because he got tired of letting her back in but he said that all the dogs would have a big reunion after being separated for only a little while. After spending some time with Joe, Daisy had an appointment with a holistic veterinarian in town. She liked Dr. Wilson, preferring to nap by her instead of me, but isn't a fan of the Chinese herbs. What she doesn't know now is that I am mixing them into the homemade meal she is getting now. I know, I'm so sneaky! Finally, we stopped at our clinic, TLC Pet Hospital, to have Daisy's staples removed. I can't remember the last time I had three appointments in one day....

Watching the world go by

Sleeping with Daisy

The idea of losing someone or something we care about does strange things to us. While we often think we know how we will act, we usually find that we act in ways that surprise us. I have been sleeping in the guestroom of my house the last few nights, simply because Daisy can't always make it up to the stairs to the master bedroom. Sometimes in the morning she will hang out with me while I shower and get ready for the day, but more often, she stays downstairs because of the mass that is growing on her hip. Before the mass popped out, every night by 8 pm, she would go upstairs by herself and sleep in the dog bed. She'd stay until some time after I went to bed. By morning, she would wake me up between 4 am and 5 am to let me know she needed to go out and that it was getting to be time to get up. Not knowing how many days she has left, I keep thinking it's best to be close to her. Last night she got in the bed with me and stayed a few hours. When I woke up at 3 am, she came back and stayed for a while longer. The master bedroom always will be there. I don't know how long Daisy will be with me though.

How I miss being dragged across the park

Yesterday, when I was finishing up walking Nestle and Hattie, a woman ran by me and said, "One day, those dogs won't drag you through the park anymore." I called back, "And I'll miss that!" What she didn't know is that Daisy was at home, unable to drag me through the park anymore. It wasn't like that I particularly liked when Daisy hightailed it across the greenery with me pulling behind, what I appreciated was that Daisy was the only being (canine or human) who could push me that hard. When I needed a good run, I could count on Daisy to be the one to make sure I got it in the morning, especially when we ran by Omar's house (Omar is a Chow) because Daisy had a love-hate relationship with the birds who feed off the seed there. This morning, Daisy was waiting in the window as I took out her siblings for their run-walks. It was one of the first mornings I had seen her waiting for us in a while. I felt bad and walked her to the park, a short distance around it, and then home again. That's about all her left leg can handle with the mass on her hip. By the walk home, she was trying not to walk on it. But when we reached home, she began to chase Hattie and they played hard for awhile, something they haven't been able to do for a while either. There are no limits to what Daisy can do now. We're not holding her back, instead allowing her to live each day as fully as possible. And one day maybe I'll get over not being dragged through the park by her.

A Day That Has Come Too Soon

I knew the day would come but I didn't expect it to so soon. Three weeks ago, Daisy, out of nowhere, developed a large mass on her left hip. After three weeks including a suspicious lab report, then several tests, then another biopsy, today it was confirmed that she has hemangiosarcoma (I can barely say that, much less spell it). It's an aggressive cancer that especially seems to like German Shepherds. What has made this especially difficult is that she only is five. On Saturday, she took a bad turn and ended up with a blood transfusion. I flew home from Chicago on Sunday and she was doing better. She is doing well now and we're letting her enjoy the heck out of the time she has with us. They say she possibly has three months left but we don't know that for sure. We'll try to beef up her red blood cells and roll and frolick with Hattie all she wants. I know one day I'll understand why her time with us was so short. I do know that Jolene, the woman who was going to take Daisy if it didn't work out at my house when she was a puppy, said she is a really special dog and she truly has affected a lot of lives. Life is so short, enjoy each moment we have with each other.

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day

A simple thing you can do today in remembrance of World Suicide Prevention Day is to light a candle at 8:00 pm your time. Do this in memory of someone who died by suicide, for the hope of someone who has attempted suicide, for concern for a family that is grieving someone who either died by suicide or attempted suicide, or in support of suicide prevention.

National Suicide Prevention Week

Today marks the start of National Suicide Prevention Week. It's no different than CPR. Everyone should know the signs of depression and suicide. Please take the time to become aware of them on the American Association of Suicidology web site.